The head line pretty much somes it up. Alan finds his neighbor trying to fuck his sheep and is explained in detail in this smokinggun police report.

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Here are 10 excellent rules to follow when you are confronted by a police officer, these are good guidelines to follow in any situation. e.g. Speeding tickets, DUI, etc... 

1. Don't Talk.
Do not say a word to the officer. Just shut up! I cannot stress to you the importance of this rule. Do not talk! Do not attempt to convince the officer of your innocence. Everyone is innocent, no one should be arrested and no one should be in jail and that is all the officer hears all day every day. He / she does not care generally whether you are innocent or guilty and there is nothing that he / she can do at this point. Most times, when people speak to officers they say something that makes their situation far worse. Keep your mouth shut, there will be plenty of time to talk later.

2. Don't Run.
I said above to listen to the officer and follow his / her instructions. Do not be scared and do not let the liquid courage, aka alcohol, convince you that you can outrun the twelve officers and helicopter that will track you down. Also, police become highly suspicious that someone running has a weapon and may be quick to draw their weapon. Additionally, when they do run you down expect much stronger force used to subdue a fleeing suspect.

3. Never Resist Arrest.
Perhaps the most important thing not to do is touch the police officer at all! Again, sober up quick and follow what the officer says. Many people attempt to bump the officer or swat an officers hands away. This often falls under the assault statutes and now a minor misdemeanor arrest becomes a FELONY. Thus a reckless driving charge leads to a year or more in state prison. Additionally, touching the officer in any way can lead to a baton in the mouth.

4. Don't Believe the Police.
It is perfectly legal for the police to lie to get you to make an admission. The police frequently separate two friends and tell one the other one ratted him / her out. Because of the lie, the other friend now rats the first friend out. Police and detectives also state that "it will be easier" to talk now...LIES!!! DON'T BELIEVE THIS BS! It will only be easier for the police to prove their case!

This is a random (gradeschool/middleschool maybe?) essay that is just hilarious between the author's retardedly simple, yes entertaining style and the teacher's blatantly stupid comments its worth a good read and will warrant a a quick read. (6 pages, but not that long)